Hello! I'm rage. I'm a teenager who works with tech and code stuff in C++ etc, even though I'm majoring in Bio haha. I'm not here to talk about that though. I'm here to talk about something.
Don't be like me.
By this, I mean in terms of morals. When I was 7-8 years old, my dad beat my mom and he went to jail for 2 weeks. Once we got back to our home country, he divorced my mom. Even though he is rich and can afford things easily, he is miser and doesn't pay child support.
My mom did not have a good childhood (according to my father, this isn't verified). I believe she takes out her anger on me, and says mean things to me. Things like:
During this period, I was... suicidal. I tried 6 times now. I wanted to jump off the roof. Choke myself. Many things. They all failed.
I never wanted to be born too. Why me? What did I do? Why is it my fault? I didn't even have a fucking childhood.
Then, I found it. Somewhere other people are. A lot of them, and diverse. Social media.
More specifically, it was Discord. I would learn how to code and help people with other things. I would spend day and night helping. Since I'm Asian (lol), I don't really have to study. So I spent more time helping people. You know what I got?
Praise.
It was like a drug. I got addicted. I needed it all the time. My parents never gave it to me. I always expected it from those who I helped.
Once, I helped someone for over a year. He was a close friend on Discord. It was programming related. I'll spare you the details though, because in the end, I was betrayed and he threw me away like I was nothing. I was there since Day 1. Since the start. I supported him against everyone. And the person who was hurt was me. All over again, it happened.
I cried for days. Why? Why me? Again?
If he's reading this, he will probably laugh. It doesn't really affect me though, since I was made fun of my whole life.
Remember this though, grim_reaper_31. Good people don’t use others and throw them away when they’re no longer "needed."
Alas, if you're dependent on praise, if you expect something, if you're too humble, you. Will. Be. Betrayed.
Don't be like me.
Don't try killing yourself.
Ignore any negative things people say.
Even if those people, are your parents.
Talk to someone if you feel like killing yourself. If you can't, talk to me. You know from where. You'll see it on my GitHub description on my username (Ragekill3377).
That's all. I ended up like this, programming, to make money online myself. I don't want to be dependent. I will never expect anything. Remember, don't thrive on praise. Don't prove anything to anyone.
It's ok to say NO.
:)